a love letter

I have spent so long writing this, many months and in them many mornings thinking, adrift in a landscape you always tell me you wish you could see..

There are not enough hours in the day to tell you everything i want to, moments are like the picking of fruit, not everyone is ripe, and i find myself aching to describe it to you as well as just being lost in the need to live it,

I have kissed you in the october rains,

i am kissing you in the rain right now and whilst in the throws of that moment my mind lights up with images , pictures, thoughts , a world in slow motion unfolds on the curve of your lip and im looking at you, feeling the rain on the back of my neck and you the sun on my face, i can hear the rain, the people to but they fade and im thinking of how much i love this and at the same time how magic it is to be here, that i have no idea where im from, that im here in this place that i have watched birds swim in the sky to the backdrop of the new moon over a place called weymouth bay, that im here standing on this rain drop falling with all the other planets, stars , galaxies, dancing in some vast deluge that is pooling at our feet. im captured by the thought that nature has shaped the rain and made me , that you and i are made of water and as you stand before me as the waterfall of all my passions i cant help but think that we are the rain kissing.

I am lying with you and watching the clouds over Poole as summer starts to dawn, its the first time i feel close to you, you look so beautiful, im watching you run the ice and trying to chase you, all i want is you to recognise me, im walking you home in the evening and im holding your hand as we sail the harbour. your biting your lip with a smile, i dont want to let go,

i ask you to come closer, to stand under the cherry blossom with me as im shaking it , and by rousing a thousand flakes of snow, under the light of an evening hanging so fragile, you take those stars from the sky and wear them like an antique wedding dress.

Im watching you run barefoot in the sea, you dont want me to leave , you tell me you love spending time with me, i have carving to do in the morning and its late, we sit by the railings, the moon is high in the east, i can hear the waves curl gently as you write in the sand, i write in Welsh hoping the sea would never swallow the canvas of our night, you run to me and i catch you.

We are sitting in the aisle of the sun, greenhill is waking to the dusk, ive seen our star set a thousand times before but never wanted to watch it with someone so much, I look at you and trace your figure against the reflection of the white cliffs and for a moment i watch you become tangled in the light and the breeze, and you remind me of a picture i kept in the scrapbook of my heart, of a time i watched the sun catch the seeds of flowers blowing gently through the woods of my childhood, i watched them turn golden in the late summer and drift through the branches like a ballet of snow, i think how beautiful you are, that a piece torn from that morning now hangs before me in motion as the wind running wild through your hair.

im thinking of how much i love you, but stay silent.

This is how i see, i see a world of change in which i am the only constant, i think the soul is a vibration, an energy that can never be torn, it is a simple sound by which all the universe breathes.

i wear the reminant of a collapsing star as this body and that cherry red metal which flows through me comes from comets cast about the sky, and i feel it, i feel what i am made of, this though will change, but the inert substance of my soul will not and this point from which i look out to the world, well that wont change, the essence of all that passes before me will be remembered.

i will not change, and i will always see and love the light of a distant sun and what it eventually came to make, a girl who shows me so much, that i found in Weymouth bay.

i love the colours you wear but i know and feel deep down who you are.

let me be open with you, its the only way i know and i must, i am the heart on the travelers sleeve and the book whose pages blow in the wind, i hold a piece of the canvas on which all the stars have painted their light and i am yours if you chance to look at me, deep in the eyes, and feel where you came from,

this gift is for you, a star fallen from the sky, you told me you have never seen one drape the night before, so i found one for you, to hold, take it as a symbol of my love, take it as a love that is raw and untempered, a love that wants you, a love that is new... and enjoy it!!! enjoy the imagination it brings, its story and the distant places it once was a part of, like me and you.

This life is but one breath of many, its words are to be treasured , we exhale , we shout to the distance all we know and listen for the echo that will show us who we are, i know who i am so with that i say this life is short , its form brief but beautiful and i am in awe of it, i must say all i feel, think and need,

life really is to short not to say all the things we know we must.

I am in love with you........ and i need you because i love you......... more and more each day.

GOOOOOOOOD DAY!!!!!

Im actually working a piece of stone thats really complex wooooooooooooo!!!!! i love it :D

been gagging for it for sooooooo long lol

working a nice big cornice for some rich man........ argh il never be rich, what id do with it! id change the world if i was rich :)

so yeh had a nice day, love the challenge gonna make it look beautiful!!!.

just got back from home on the weekend to, was lukes 21st had such a laugh , went out 3 nights in a row, was supposed to rest! had so much fun though :) danced so muuuuuuuch!

Abbey came down from manchester, and hannah is getting a mortgage! folking crazy lol! so went out with them and jack on thursday.

Missing my Gf to , shes away on the isle of wight , 2 weeks apart , its nout really but god it feels like a month, never felt like this before, missing someone is a bit of a learning curve for me. its right difficult! and ive done some difficult things in my life and this is up there!!!! hopefully see her weekend if im not in southampton with Pourang and his Iranian Swagger.

The lads over the roads at stone firms lost there jobs on monday aswell, well pissed of with that, might have a look for work for cormac and eddie at sum point :)

anyway things look good!!! still havnt had this pay rise tho!!! i need it!!!! want to take my gf traveling next year!!!!

Sun dog

Saw a sun dog this morning, first time ive ever seen one! was amazing! like another sun slightly to the north of Weymouth , its because of all the ice in the atmosphere this morning!

its supposed to be lucky!!!

and at the moment my luck is on the up!!!

Im getting a pay rise, not sure how much yet but i know more than 9 pounds, haha WOOP WOOP

my hard work is paying off, if i work hard now to get the skills i need for the future i will one day be able to earn my freedom and afford it for others, god how i hate money but it wont drown me!

i will be free, free with the one i love , with my house , land and money to see world.

i have to work so hard because i made a promise to myself, but all i want is to curl up with my girlfriend in a huge bed whilst its snowing outside one evening, warm and content.

Went to london this weekend to, took my gf on the london eye, she loved it! it was a bit good! loved running around london with her!

went out on monday down the quayside with a load of mates! had a right giggle! shudnt have drank lol :) dont see enough of them, back in wrexham soon , see all them lot :D

things are good! im in love and she loves me! haha mental!!! :) but its a lovely feeling. works good and im coming home soon :)

i have allot of raw feeling for her.
i know im not my raw feelings though and that the raw feelings are instead , i think , just the hands of the heart reaching out and touching somthing we cant see,trying to make sense of it all.
for me its what we do with these hands, what we carve from our raw feelings creatively that gives us our emotions, clarity of form and defines a relationship for lovers.

Lifes brilliant at the moment, i like my job , i am getting to know a beautiful girl,although i wish we had more time for each other, i have money ive worked hard for and the driving lessons are booked! things are looking ok, but i want more.

But choices......

ive got some big ones to make soon.

I chose to stay in Weymouth for a girl and said no to France and a new frontier.

For a whole multitude of reasons, the main one being i see somthing in her i dont see or feel anywhere else, ive been shouting out to the horizon all my life and i have the faintest feeling she is the echo of somthing i shared once with the bend in the river, back home, when a child.

and it inspires me, it gives me that shock up my spine, when i see her all i want to do is just know who she,listen, learn, kiss, hold her , laugh and feel free.

Knowing im a very emotional person doesnt mean im not strong though and i dont tell her things like this becuase i know il be thought of as always there, dependable, put up with anything, taken for granted and its not good, i dont want to feel like that because thats when i will get the tools in the bag and go.

im Honest but not weak, my experiences have taught me that.

I cant and i wont let myself fall for her,at the moment i just think it would cause me more pain than freedom,i dont see her often enough for it to feel a freedom, so il hold all that back for some time when perhaps i do see more of her.

god its difficult when all you want, all day everyday is to be with them.

it's all fun and games till someone gets a scotch egg in their eye" - nathan

"you only get out what you put in, so saying that, no one can hold your hand and lead you through life ,youve just gotta go for it."

"dont mistake kindness for weakness"

"you would measure time, the measureless and the immeasurable, you would adjust your conduct and even direct the course of your spirit according to hours and seasons of time.
You would make a stream upon whose bank you would sit and watch it flowing yet the timeless in you is aware of lifes timelessness and knows that yesterday is but todays memory and tomorrow is todays dream.
And that which sings and contemplates in you is still dwelling within the bounds of that first moment which scattered the stars into space."

"we're not here for a long time.... we're here for a good time" - from work

"knowledge is the knife in the jungle of life"
- Dad

"If you who are organized by divine providence for spiritual communication refuse and bury your talent in the earth; even if you should want natural bread - Sorrow and desperation would pursue you through life and after death shame and confusion face to eternity"

- William Blake

"i wanted to send you other things you like, but they said i couldn't post Christal meth, orgasms and violent pornography!" - Basher

"Shakespeare . . . . . . . . . . Shite-speare" - Luke

"im an expert at dating ...... ive read Sun Tzu's art of war" - Bish.

"Vagina like a vandalized bus seat" - green

"Come live with me and be my love, and we will some new pleasures prove, of golden sands, and crystal beaches, with silken lines and silver hooks..."
--John Dunne

"Knowledge propels you into the future, while ignorance keeps you in yesterday"

"She needed some oil of olay on her and a good fucking iron!!!!"

"We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities."

on the road less travelled .... who'd have thought 50 pounds could grow into the life i have now :) and i know the future is going to be amazing.
out to see what my experiences and abilities can show me.
lifes a very personal viewpoint, no one shares it so it must be shared :)
its about being strong, got to live with yourself in the end, so its about the RIGHT choice :) its the only way to find your own personal truth, it is for me anyway.
i have learned that the ambition must be humble but the resolve must be made of iron and life can never defeat us...
only teach us.
im looking for something, this life and its inner monologue is best comunicated through the company i keep and that the horizon will always have a hold of me :)
i cant be caged and i cant settle, the world is to big for my future to be fixed :) and its AMAZING!!!! but i have found somthing special and for this one i have no map! :) and thats what i love about my time spent lost with them. They are beautiful.