Lifes brilliant at the moment, i like my job , i am getting to know a beautiful girl,although i wish we had more time for each other, i have money ive worked hard for and the driving lessons are booked! things are looking ok, but i want more.

But choices......

ive got some big ones to make soon.

I chose to stay in Weymouth for a girl and said no to France and a new frontier.

For a whole multitude of reasons, the main one being i see somthing in her i dont see or feel anywhere else, ive been shouting out to the horizon all my life and i have the faintest feeling she is the echo of somthing i shared once with the bend in the river, back home, when a child.

and it inspires me, it gives me that shock up my spine, when i see her all i want to do is just know who she,listen, learn, kiss, hold her , laugh and feel free.

Knowing im a very emotional person doesnt mean im not strong though and i dont tell her things like this becuase i know il be thought of as always there, dependable, put up with anything, taken for granted and its not good, i dont want to feel like that because thats when i will get the tools in the bag and go.

im Honest but not weak, my experiences have taught me that.

I cant and i wont let myself fall for her,at the moment i just think it would cause me more pain than freedom,i dont see her often enough for it to feel a freedom, so il hold all that back for some time when perhaps i do see more of her.

god its difficult when all you want, all day everyday is to be with them.

it's all fun and games till someone gets a scotch egg in their eye" - nathan

"you only get out what you put in, so saying that, no one can hold your hand and lead you through life ,youve just gotta go for it."

"dont mistake kindness for weakness"

"you would measure time, the measureless and the immeasurable, you would adjust your conduct and even direct the course of your spirit according to hours and seasons of time.
You would make a stream upon whose bank you would sit and watch it flowing yet the timeless in you is aware of lifes timelessness and knows that yesterday is but todays memory and tomorrow is todays dream.
And that which sings and contemplates in you is still dwelling within the bounds of that first moment which scattered the stars into space."

"we're not here for a long time.... we're here for a good time" - from work

"knowledge is the knife in the jungle of life"
- Dad

"If you who are organized by divine providence for spiritual communication refuse and bury your talent in the earth; even if you should want natural bread - Sorrow and desperation would pursue you through life and after death shame and confusion face to eternity"

- William Blake

"i wanted to send you other things you like, but they said i couldn't post Christal meth, orgasms and violent pornography!" - Basher

"Shakespeare . . . . . . . . . . Shite-speare" - Luke

"im an expert at dating ...... ive read Sun Tzu's art of war" - Bish.

"Vagina like a vandalized bus seat" - green

"Come live with me and be my love, and we will some new pleasures prove, of golden sands, and crystal beaches, with silken lines and silver hooks..."
--John Dunne

"Knowledge propels you into the future, while ignorance keeps you in yesterday"

"She needed some oil of olay on her and a good fucking iron!!!!"

"We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities."

on the road less travelled .... who'd have thought 50 pounds could grow into the life i have now :) and i know the future is going to be amazing.
out to see what my experiences and abilities can show me.
lifes a very personal viewpoint, no one shares it so it must be shared :)
its about being strong, got to live with yourself in the end, so its about the RIGHT choice :) its the only way to find your own personal truth, it is for me anyway.
i have learned that the ambition must be humble but the resolve must be made of iron and life can never defeat us...
only teach us.
im looking for something, this life and its inner monologue is best comunicated through the company i keep and that the horizon will always have a hold of me :)
i cant be caged and i cant settle, the world is to big for my future to be fixed :) and its AMAZING!!!! but i have found somthing special and for this one i have no map! :) and thats what i love about my time spent lost with them. They are beautiful.

Home and the many questions

Home and the many questions that i ask every time im here!!!

comming home for christmas gives me time to chill out, relax and do a bit very of much needed soul searching, its like somthing just hits me everytime im here as if ive neglected myself and i need to make up for it!

ive got allot to make up for !

and all those questions like " were are you headed? , who are you now ? where should you invest your love if at all? and really just how do you take all that emotional content you've missed out on , ascribe it to somthing physical, a face ,a landscape or whatever so you can just start to unravel it all! into somthing someone else has bee through lol so you can ask for a bit of advice!!! ive got this feeling inside and i dont know what it is , but i know its unsettled.

piontless blog i know but it helps me with the jigsaw i think.

Stonemasonry.

Today something hit me really hard.... not sure what.... perhaps realizing i had only 1 year left of my apprenticeship and then im free... or no ones concern... plus i think that my mate is leaving to travel has had an effect.

I still make tiny mistake in my work and im trying so hard to iron them out , i have bouts of crippling self doubt about if im any good at it! haha im assured everyone does and that im a good mason, i know the only person who can really re-assure myself is me , but when you know all the tiny imperfections youve marred the stone with even if there not visable to average bystander it just comes down to "its within tollerance" but u cant help but think " it should be better " and "i should be better"

i know these things take a long time to master. . .

wit money worries gone and everything smooth at the moment i can concentrate more on what i want.

i have a year to train for the next compertition, so as of today im giving 200% more with speed accuracy and commitment, this is my last chance , last year was a practice and i want to make something of myself , and not dissapoint the ones i aspire to be like.

Its all going to change, i promise myself this.

i will achieve my potential and that is an amazing mason.

gonna give it my all this last year.

ive got nothing to lose

wish me luck.

loss

I can only describe it as the hole in the chest feeling, the one where you lose somthing and like it or not its a part of you.

The hardest part is not being able to help in all this, i wish i could i really do.

You cant just cure a cancer and make it ok with kindness alone , I suppose im angry , so so angry because someone faces death, and its just a fucking economic choice by the pharmacutrical companies, when recently it was seen as to cheap to make a pill for cancers , the ingredients were so cheap and easy to esemble that the industry decided not to make as the profit was to small , and they chose to guard the ingredients.

Im sorry but anyone who disagrees with the fact that money doesnt work is just backwards or braindead! and if you do! never winge about illness and the fact that you cant afford a drug to prolong your life with loved ones because this is the system you support and voted for!!!!!!! you dont deserve it.

becuase it limits us in our abilities and it times like these the ability to help a loved one!

and knowing you cant because of countless executives business choices is evil and sick.

I need to go home i think,

Need some time to see my family while i can.

unconditional sharing

Im taking part in an allotment scheme and im really excited about it.

im only doing it because of the hard economic times and the ability to create something great for the community, to be able to create a system that other communities think wow! we need to do that! and can! to lead the way with great ambition and not just follow the rest. to think smart and design and build something amazing within budget.

With a bit of thought i know it could be great!