21 years.

Its my birthday on the 12th and il be turning 21. 3 years ago i was 18 and how time has flown. in my head im still the same 16 year old i always have been, with a little more experience and a little more respect i hope, behind my name and behind these eyes.

In 21 years ive seen so much. ive seen 20 autumns but never seen the colours, yet i love the smell of that change evermore :)

ive watched my parents grow older, my fathers hair from blonde to grey, hes still the same 16 year old i knew when i was 16 :)

i saw comet haile bop in 1997, i was 9 :) and it was awe inspiring , im sure i will catch up to that comet oneday when the time comes.

ive lay on the grass in the many fields behind Pendine and watched the day in motion when i was a teenager , just thinking , comfortable with my own presence and id like to think perhaps the dust from the tail of hail bop entered my lungs during those days and had brought me allot of happiness years later.

ive always had a fascination for the things that make us who we are and the moments that have born them.

at 18 i put both feet into the yellow river, the yangtze, to talk to a friend about life.

ive loved the company of the wise, my grandparents in particular.

ive taken countless footsteps and met allot of opinions along the way.

ive been born of frustration some days but happy with my youth in others.

I collected those caterpillars and caught the cabbage white in my hands :)

ive been shy to express myself , i took a chance by the waterfall :) and it felt wonderful.

i grew up in the shadow of mountains and in the light of my ancestors who i pray and talk to time to time :) i am staunch in my belief they should be remembered , for me its with external dialogue and the reserved love of the spoken word.

ive felt the magic of christmas , and watched a leonodis shower with my father on christmas eve when i was 6 and took a fragment of a distant world shooting across the northern sky to be my father christmas :)

ive been touched on the back by a spirit, it made the pain go away.

ive grown up with a brother , and its unspeakable how much happiness he brings to my life and has while i was growing up.
at 19 i left home.

At 19 i put my heart and soul into something.

ive loved many people, and all have been the mirror , and me a mirror to them, sometimes i saw some things i didnt like, other times id be speachless in the presence of something so beautiful as a free thinking being who looks to you to express the feelings of your interior, perhaps to much i have expressed the exterior.
My family has been my life and blood.

In all truths , i dont know who i am, and 21 doesnt iluminate the geography of my spirit, it shows me im 21 cycles of the earth around our star Sol. and neither does it freeze time in the manner that i am 21 for a year! it makes me ask how old am i truly, what should i count if count at all? and where do i begin in all this, in 21 years where do i begin and for who?

all i can say and make sense of it is to be happy , love each other and be kind, and wish a safe journey to myself and hope il find out someday when looking in the mirror of my reality for that space i am truely free to exist in.